So I was thinking this morning about how I am just horrible at being dedicated to losing weight lately. Like eating whatever I want barely working out horrible and then I get on myself and feel even worse for being such a failure.

So I am going to try to take a different approach to “losing weight” in that - I’m not going to try. I am not going to focus on a number or a measurement, etc.

I am going to focus on how I feel and what I am able to get my body to do. I am training for a half marathon which is huge for me. I want to be dedicated to doing something I didn’t think I would ever be capable of doing - which is running 13 miles.

For me, trying to lose weight is sad and depressing and I am just not motivated to do it lately. I am not happy with my body but it just isn’t enough. I am excited at seeing how I can challenge my body to do things I never thought it could so that is what I am going to focus on - not the scale. As long as I am staying active (and eating a healthy diet) my body will change and start to look better anyway.

Ok so I ate (kind of) like calories didn’t matter this weekend because it was my birthday! But! Since I might- or am most likely actually- going to see the boy next month, I really need to get it together and get on my eating and start working out again. I know he likes me the way I am which is awesome but I want to feel good in my own skin. I was down to my lowest in years - 177 lbs - but I would guess I am about 185-187 right now. I haven’t weight myself because I am kind of scared but I can tell by the way my clothes fit and how I feel. It is such a bummer to know I am going backwards and it really is my own fault. At least this time I have only gained a little bit of weight an not all the weight I had lost. That has happened to me quite a few times. Anyway for breakfast I had kashi cereal and coffee w/pumpkin creamer. I brought a salad with cucumber and feta with greek dressing to work along with an apple, banana and greek yogurt with pumpkin butter from William Sonoma. I know I will need to get something else to eat but I don’t know what I will have.

I DO know I need more coffee right now.